While Batman was working on building his body to the peak of physical perfection, Iron Man was inventing a suit of armor that’d make him 100 times stronger AND is capable of being remote controlled so he can send the suit to take care of business while he’s in the bedroom taking care of business.
Exercise? Discipline? Fuck that. Tony’s gonna have a cheeseburger, drink a bottle of Crown Royal, and then have a nasty supermodel threeway.
Batman has a tricked out cave and a fancy car. Iron Man has a swinging bachelor pad and a suit which allows him to fly supersonically to any party anywhere in the world. It even chills drinks.
Batman hangs out with an old butler and a teenage boy in tights. Iron Man hangs out in a hot tub with Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan, and Scarlett Johansson.
Batman throws bat shaped boomerangs at people. Iron Man shoots lasers at your punk ass.
Batman can punch you and break your ribs. Iron Man can punch you in fucking half.
If someone shoots at Batman, he ducks. If someone shoots at Iron Man, he laughs at them.
Batman tries desperately to keep his identity a secret. Iron Man told the whole world he was Iron Man just because he thought it’d be awesome.
Batman’s parents were killed, driving him to exact vengeance. Iron Man’s parents are dead too…but you don’t see him bitching and moaning about it all fucking day.
Batman is the head of multibillion dollar corporate empire. Iron Man is also the head of a multibillion dollar corporate empire. Ok, so that one’s a draw.
Batman adopts a gruff, throat rending voice to strike fear in the hearts of criminals. Iron Man just has a little electronic gizmo that changes his voice without sounding like he’s smoked 400 packs of cigarettes that day.
Batman has a utility belt with all sorts of little gadgets. Iron Man has a utility suit that is one gigantic gadget filled to the brim with countless other gadgets.
Batman cloaks himself in the colors of the night and avoids being seen. Iron Man is wearing a gleaming bright red and yellow suit that screams, “Hey! Can everyone see me ok?”
And the number one reason Iron Man is better then Batman?
Because Bruce Wayne only pretends to drink scotch and fuck strippers all night long…Tony Stark actually does that shit and still manages to save the world on a regular basis.
And that’s why Iron Man is better then Batman.
October 4, 2008 at 3:03 pm |
Do you realize that almost no one reads the drivel here? Or that you are an abysmally terrible writer with no original ideas or writing style?
Mod edit…follow the smackdown at home!
I am such an asshole. – Cinlach
October 4, 2008 at 3:05 pm |
I love you too Mom!
Such powerful words of encouragement…I might just cry.
January 7, 2009 at 2:40 pm |
Sound like the words of a very Lazy person
January 7, 2009 at 2:56 pm |
The stronger the body, the better it is at performance…not to mention easier to heal while injurred……..Duh!
January 7, 2009 at 4:33 pm |
Thanks for the unsolicited personality assessment!
When you become qualified to speak as to my level of activity perhaps then I’ll listen to what you have to say. Until then…well, I won’t.
And you’re missing the point in your “injury” statement.
Tony’s whole rationale is, “Getting hurt sucks donkey nuts…how can I do my very best to avoid that at all costs?”
Bruce’s rationale is, “I’m going to show everyone how fucking tough I am! Go ahead, kick me in the balls…I love that shit!”
It’s the quintessential “brawn vs. brains” scenario.
If Batman wants to put on thin body armor and get punched in the fucking kidneys every night for the next 20 years, then God bless him. But Tony would much rather still be able to do silly things like walk, run, and fuck Victoria’s Secret models in 20 years.
Bodily performance is irrelevant when boosted by a virtually indestructible and immensely powerful exoskeleton that not only gets DirecTV and has a built in DVD system, but also allows the wearer to be in a climate controlled and plushly padded environment to boot.
So unless we’re comparing which one of these two individuals is the most self-loathing then Tony wins easily…again.
January 7, 2009 at 5:21 pm |
EXCELLENT!