Since 95% of my readers are folks I work with, most of you already know that I’ve somehow managed to bullshit another company into not only hiring me, but giving me a decent wage as well.
Please don’t ask how I managed to pull off this herculean accomplishment, sadly it’s an ancient Irish secret and if I told you then I’d have to kill you.
Basically it’s just as astonishing to me as it must be to you.
So while I’m very relieved, and I’m extremely excited to continue my career journey in a direction other then towards an impassable ravine surrounded by a seemingly unending desert, I also find myself becoming very nostalgic about the last 12 years of my life. Specifically, the experiences I’ve had and the people I’ve been lucky enough to have met along the way.
First and foremost in my heart is my wife Carla. She and I met 12 years ago and over the course of our working together somehow one day she looked at me and said, “You know, he seems really nice. I wonder if he’d like to go out sometime?”.
God knows I’ve tried to discovered how I got so lucky on many occasions without success. Especially considering the first time she asked me out I shot her down. That’s right, she worked up the nerve to ask me out, and I repaid her interest by shooting her down like an encroaching enemy figher jet over the no-fly zone.
Luckily for me, she remained interested despite my stupidity and I eventually put my emotional hurt behind me and took her hand. We’ve been holding hands ever since, and every day I thank the universe for making someone so wonderful for me to spend my life with.
I truly don’t feel as though I deserve her, but I’m pleased beyond words that she thinks I do.
The day it was announced that we were all losing our jobs, all I could think about was that I wouldn’t get to see her everyday at work anymore. More then anything else, losing this job is costing me time with the one person I love above all others…and that sucks hard…and not in that nice way either.
I also think about the friends I’ve been fortunate enough to make over the last decade plus. A number that certainly would’ve been greater had I only allowed myself to open up and be the person that I really am, as opposed to the persona I adopted in order to stay focused on my daily tasks.
See, there’s me, the real me, and then there’s “James”. Up until recently “James” was who I was at the office. James wasn’t there to be buddies, he wasn’t there to chit chat, he wasn’t there to fuck around. James was there to get his work done as quickly and as accurately as time allowed, and he was single-minded in his goals. James wasn’t interested in your problems or your bullshit. He was interested in getting paid and going home.
To put it bluntly, James was an enormous asshole. But he’s only a small part of who I am. While everyone has that side to their personality, I sadly let that part of mine be the only aspect most people I work with ever saw. So the impression most people at work will be left of me is of “James” and not Danny.
Danny is silly, goofy, funny. Danny loves to talk and be loud. Danny is warm and genuine. Danny, while always direct and to the point, is generally not an enormous asshole.
So as a result, I’ve missed out on getting to know some really good people. People who deserved more then I gave them, and I regret that.
I’ve done what I can to try and be more “me” and less “James” all while trying to get the ridiculous amount of work facing me every month done. I think I’ve been marginally successful, but no doubt I could’ve done a better job at being a little more accessible.
I guess that with the end now staring me squarely in the face I find myself turning my head to look at the road behind me in an effort to avoid the stony, and unyielding gaze of the future.
And in looking back I see a lot of good times, a lot of good friends, and a lot of things I wish I’d done differently.
All I can hope to do is carry that all stuff with me into the next chapter of my life, and to thank those of you who walked along that road with me for being a part of it.
I won’t forget the lessons I’ve learned, both good and bad, and I’ll put the knowledge I’ve gained to good use.
So thanks for being there with me folks, it’s been a hell of a ride.
