Vote for Lovelace…free oral sex for all!

First, let me give a little background…

We’re gearing up for our gubernatorial (that’ll be funny as hell in a minute) election here in South Carolina and have already had a few gubernatorial hopefuls make bids to gain support for the upcoming gubernatorial race.

One of those gubernatorial dreamers is named…Lovelace.

See gubernatorial sounds like “goober-natorial”…oral sex, goobers..work with me folks.

Now, if you’re a child of the 70’s like I am then the name “Lovelace” conjures all sorts of fond puberty-esque memories. Linda Lovelace was the star of one of the most well-known sex films of all time, the immortal…Deep Throat.

The plot (as though it really matters) involved a woman who was born with a rather unique birth defect; namely her clitoris was located at the back of her throat and the only way for her to reach orgasm was by…uh, stimulation of that area…and I think you know exactly how she accomplished it.

Basically it was a superb plot device to have the talented Ms. Lovelace go down on as many guys as possible and make a fine film to boot…God bless America!

So now, everytime I see “Lovelace for Governor” I immediately think about blow jobs.

I’m sorry, it’s just how my mind works folks…and lets face it, we’re getting fucked by the government every day, isn’t it about time they did a little something for us? We constantly complain about getting fucked and not even getting “the reach around”. Well here’s a candidate who’s a known sword swallower…forget the reach around, I’m talking about something even better baby.

So here’s my humble contribution to the Lovelace campaign…a cause I can totally support.

Lovelace for Governor campaign slogans!

“Lovelace for Governor…Spit or Swallow, the choice is yours”
“Vote Lovelace…I’ll suck your dick!”
“Lovelace…Tickle Your Fancy”
“Vote for Lovelace, you’ll be glad you did”
“Lovelace = Head”
“Lovelace can lick it good!”

They practically write themselves folks…it’s almost too easy.

I wanna hear your campaign slogans…we need to get this state back to old-fashioned family values and get sex off the TV and back into our bedrooms, dining rooms, kitchens, showers, laundry rooms, cars, decks, etc, because that’s really where it belongs.

By the way if Lovelace is a dude I’m totally out of the campaign…nothing personal.

4/21/06 Bashas’ Supermarkets 200 & 4/22/06 Subway Fresh 500 from Phoenix International Raceway…

Bashas’ Supermarkets 200, April 21st 2006

This was a pretty fun race. Busch races are shorter so there’s more “racing” and less “strategy” involved.

Bad news for Jason Keller fans (like myself), Jason is out of the #1 Micosukkee Dodge and Mike Wallace is in…that’s a damn shame too. Jason is a championship caliber driver, finishing in the top 3 in the points standings for 3 of the last 5 years. He deserves more then an 8 race shot at getting that team turned around.

Kyle Busch apparantly enjoys spinning out…he did it twice more at Phoenix this week. Oh and his brother is still a huge throbbing tool.

JJ Yeley/Denny Hamlin had good cars this week. Yeley was taken out in an accident but regardless both Gibbs cars seem to have hit on something.

Kurt Busch…my eternal enemy. Drove the #39 Penske Transport Dodge. Fuck Kurt Busch.

Clint Bowyer got screwed. He made incidental contact with another car that caused that car to spin. NASCAR decided he was driving rough and put him at the back of the pack where he was promptly caught up in someone else’s accident. Now, I’m all for smacking their wrists if they step out of line but Bowyer’s contact was no more severe then several other incidents during the night. None of them got busted by NASCAR and penalized.

With teammate Clint Bowyer safely off his rear bumper, Kevin Harvick cruised to his second Busch win in a row and the third for that team of the season. Jeff Burton drove that car to victory at Atlanta in March.

Harvick’s point lead grew to an astounding 289 point lead. He can basically miss a race and still retain the points lead by a comfortable margin. That’s impressive after only a handful of races folks.

So here are the results:

1 #21 Kevin Harvick
2 #41 Reed Sorenson
3 #60 Carl Edwards
4 #39 Kurt Busch
5 #6 Mark Martin
6 #17 Matt Kenseth
7 #16 Greg Biffle
8 #27 David Green
9 #42 Casey Mears
10 #64 Jamie McMurray

Subway Fresh 500, April 22nd 2006

With Kyle “The Shrub” Busch on the pole I knew this was going to be an entertaining evening. Kyle seems to be hellbent lately on doing everything he can to NOT run good and I figured this race would be no exception. I was not to be disappointed. While racing with Casey Mears, contact caused by Kyle’s over-aggressive driving cuts down his right rear tire and sends him into the wall. During caution, Kyle makes contact with Casey’s #42 Havoline Dodge in retaliation for Casey allowing Kyle to be a dumbass. Only a Busch would be mad at someone for a wreck they themselves caused. Kyle’s presence is requested in the NASCAR hauler after the race. Hopefully he had to write “I will not be such a insufferable little fucking prick.” 200 times on the NASCAR blackboard in front of the rest of the class.

Greg Biffle needs some damn luck. That’s all he needs. He’s an incredible driver, working with a talented crew and driving for one of the premiere teams in the series, Roush Racing. The only thing Greg Biffle doesn’t have is just a little fucking luck. When (or if) he gets it he will be a force to be dealt with this year.

Kurt Busch…
So Kurty Kurt slaps the outside wall while chasing down Greg Biffle. This of course hurts the handling on his car and takes him from challenging the leader to trying to simply keep on the lead lap. The crew works on the car, can never seem to get it back where it was (good job asshole!) but manages to keep him just barely on the lead lap. Then with 5 laps to go, the window net in the #2 Miller Lite Dodge comes undone. Kurt is driving with one hand and holding the net up with the other. That’s a HUGE safety hazard and NASCAR calls him to pit road to get it fixed. The end result for Kurt Busch was 24th, 2 laps down. What? I’m not smiling…I promise.

Clint Bowyer decided to get the finish he should’ve had on Friday night on Saturday instead. He led his first laps in Nextel Cup competition, had one of the fastest cars on the track throughout the night and ended up with his best finish ever, 5th.

But for Kevin Harvick it was more of the same on Saturday night. He had a strong car all night, ran down the leader Greg Biffle with 10 laps to go and won his first race in over a year. Harvick has become the hottest driver in NASCAR in more ways then one. Not only is his on-track performance stellar but he’s the most sought after driver in the garage area. His contract with RCR is up at the end of the year and he’s being pursued by Toyota for their entry into Cup racing next year and also as a potential replacement for Dale Jarrett in the #88 UPS Ford for Robert Yates Racing.

So here’s the final rundown :

1 #29 Kevin Harvick
2 #20 Tony Stewart
3 #17 Matt Kenseth
4 #99 Carl Edwards
5 #07 Clint Bowyer
6 #9 Kasey Kahne
7 #48 Jimmie Johnson
8 #43 Bobby Labonte
9 #31 Jeff Burton
10 #24 Jeff Gordon

4/15/06, Pepsi 300 Busch Race from Nashville, TN

Hi all…just a quick rundown of observations from today’s Busch race, the Pepsi 300 at Nashville Superspeedway.

Nashville is an awesome facility and really deserves to have a cup race…the track surface is all concrete and provided a lot of really good racing. I doubt Nashville would be half-empty like California was earlier this year. Given the right spot on the schedule I think Nashville could be a standout race for the series. If NASCAR wants to expand the sport into other areas of the country that’s fine. But don’t do it just “because”. Sure California is a huge market…but the races are boring and the place was only about half full. Why not sell tickets, provide a good facility for the fans in attendance AND put on a great race at the same time? Rockingham lost it’s dates due to lack of ticket sales…not market share. If California can’t fill seats any better then Rockingham then move one of their dates to a place like Kentucky or Nashville.

So anyway…on to the race review.

Erin Crocker and Steven Wallace competed in the ARCA race held before the Pepsi 300…Crocker finished 14th after running as high as 3rd before having to pit for gas, and Wallace ended up 10th even after losing 1st and 2nd gear in his transmission.

Lap 1 : Clint Bowyer in the #2 AC Delco Chevy powers past Denny Hamlin’s #20 Rockwell Automation Chevy to lead the first lap. It seems that not only is RCR experiencing a resurgence in Nextel Cup but they’re having one in the Busch Series as well.

Lap 2 : Kyle “the shrub” Busch spins himself out resulting in the first caution of the day. The #5 Lowes Chevy in undamaged…but be patient, the day is yet young.

Lap 15 : Last years winner, #41 Reed Sorensen takes the lead.

Lap 25 : Scott Wimmer’s brother Chris wrecks. Everyone except Bowyer and Sorensen pit. Kyle Busch takes fuel only and comes out 3rd. That’s a nice bit of strategy by Busch’s team.

Lap 33 : Kevin Lepage wrecks…it looked like there could’ve been contact with someone that sent him into the wall but Fox didn’t deem it important enough to tell us anything other then “Lepage wrecked”. Thanks guys.

Lap 35 : In the one of the strangest moves of the day, Reed Sorensen passes up pit road 10 laps earlier and decides to come down alone to make a stop. He goes from 2nd to 31st.

Lap 65 : Clint Bowyer leads Hamlin by over one second. Kyle Busch starts to make his way back up through the field.

Lap 72 : Bowyer makes his green flag stop, earlier then the others since he’s a bit off-sequence. During the stop the gasman has problems resulting in a 26 second pit stop. Bowyer falls nearly 2 laps down as a result.

Lap 82 : Kevin Harvick, in the #21 Coast Guard Chevy, passes Denny Hamlin for the lead. Jon Wood runs solidly in the top 5 at 3rd position. JJ Yeley continues to show that he might actually be a race car driver and not an accident looking for a place to happen. The shop guys at Joe Gibbs Racing couldn’t be happier about this sudden development.

Lap 90 : Caution for a spin…Clint Bowyer is officially screwed. He’s caught one lap down due to the bad pit stop 8 laps earlier. This could end up being a long day for someone with a very competitive race car.

Lap 97 : Big wreck…Erin Crocker gets loose coming off turn 2 and collects Mark McFarland, Todd Kluever, John Andretti and more. Clint Bowyer gets the “lucky dog” and is back on the lead lap. Just that quickly the entire race can change. Bowyer went from being basically out of the event to having a shot at a decent finish.

Lap 106 : Caution for debris.

Lap 120 : Easter dinner at the Sauter house should be interesting this year as 2 Sauter brothers, one in the #00 and one in the #35 tangle. So, how many fucking Sauters are there anyway? There’s Jay, Johnny, Tim, Jim…is there a Dopey, Sneezy and Doc as well? They have to be catholic.

Lap 150 : Jon Wood moves back into the top 5…he’s quietly having a good season.

Lap 161 : Caution for debris. This was potentially the last stop of the day. Paul Menard’s team, which was running in the top 10 before the caution, decides to gamble and take fuel only with 50 laps to go. No, I don’t understand what the fuck they were thinking either. Everyone else has fresh tires and there’s still a decent number of laps left. There’s no way he can compete with the guys on new tires.

Lap 171 : Kyle Busch spins…again, by himself…again. Harvick was in front of Denny Hamlin by inches when the caution came out so Harvick is scored the leader. Paul Menards team, realizing the magnitude of their stupidity, calls him down pit road for 4 tires and gas. Way to go brain-surgeons.

Lap 187 : Kyle Busch finally succeeds in destroying his racecar. He’d only tried to total it twice before during the day. This time he finally manages to mangle it up into a wad. It seems the third time is, in fact, the charm. By the way…his brother Kurt is a tool.

Lap 219 : Caution for Reed Sorensen’s contact with the wall. He had been pressing Harvick for the lead a few laps earlier and either abused his tires and had a blowout or ran over something and cut one down. Either way his shot at the win is gone…and Kevin Harvick can breathe a little easier.

Lap 225 : Kevin Harvick takes the checkered flag.

The top 10 are :

1. #21 Harvick
2. #2 Bowyer
3. #20 Hamlin
4. #18 Yeley (I might actually have to retract all the bad things I’ve said about JJ)
5. #60 Edwards
6. #47 Wood
7. #77 Lamar (Had anyone heard of this kid before? We all know his name now.)
8. #22 K. Wallace
9. #11 Menard (It could’ve been better…what the hell was his crew thinking?)
10 #99 M. Waltrip

All in all it was a good race. Busch races are fun because they’re a little shorter and there’s more “racing” going on. Nextel Cup events are more strategy oriented and they’re more about getting into position to win.

Next week…Phoenix!

I admit it…I’m addicted to Ghost Hunters.

Hi all…

In my neverending quest to find something to talk about, my attention has turned to the SciFi Original series, Ghost Hunters, which features the exploits of T.A.P.S., aka The Atlantic Paranormal Society.

T.A.P.S. was formed by 2 men, Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson who in their day jobs are Roto-Rooter men. That’s right…plumbers.

They found they had separately shared experiences with the paranormal that neither could explain. They decided to see if they could use their knowledge and experiences to help others going through the same difficulties.

If T.A.P.S. comes to investigate a case for you, there’s no payment involved. These guys and gals come out, set up their shit and see if they can capture what you’re experiencing. If they do, then you’ve got something to show people who think you’re fucking nuts, if not…well, you’re probably fucking nuts.

Now before I get the deluge of “bullshit!” comments, let me explain to you why I feel that Ghost Hunters owns the spectral realm.

It’s simple…they don’t go into a situation ready to believe the whole thing’s real. Quite the contrary, they go into it with the express purpose of disproving the story. They’re looking to shoot holes in this fucker…large, logic-laced holes that will allow the light of truth to pour out of them.

I’ve seen tons of episodes where they’ve gone to a “haunted” location, listened politely to the person having the experiences, toured the home/area, methodically set up their equipment in the correct spots, and spent several hours walking around collecting “EMF” (Electromagnetic Field) readings, checking for cold spots, and asking questions of the alleged “ghost” in the hopes of recording a “EVP” (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) only to not catch a goddamn thing.

They spend even more long hours pouring over the evidence in search of some sort of validation to the stories and experiences they’ve had the night before. Sometimes things are found, most times the stuff they find is so inconclusive that it’s completely useless or they’re able to examine the evidence and explain it away. “No, that’s not an orb, it’s a moth that was attracted by the lights of our equipment.”

Think about it…all that time and effort and they get dick to show for it. Imagine the balls required to set up all that equipment, have an audience of hundreds of thousands watching and then not capture a fucking thing. If you were going to fake it why not give the masses something to fucking talk about?

In almost every case, many of the team members have experienced unusual and disquieting things. Experiences ranging from “EMF” spikes and surges, to the feeling of being watched, catching sight of something or hearing something that shouldn’t be there or walking into a spot in a room that’s 20 degrees colder then the entire rest of the room for no reason. Their digital camera and audio equipment might pick up any number of strange sights or sounds. But after analysis only things that cannot be explained away in any manner are even remotely considered as evidence supporting the “haunting”.

More often then not, there’s simply no evidence at all to support any claims of supernatural activity. The T.A.P.S. team then heads back and reveals what they’ve found. Sometimes they get startling things, like voices answering questions or dark shapes moving just out of camera range. Other times they actually manage to capture physical phenomenon…a door closing, opening and then closing again by itself. A chair that moves not once, but twice along the floor. In short, some pretty cool shit.

But they rarely, and I mean rarely ever say “Yeah, this fucking place is more haunted then that house in the Amityville Horror. As a matter of fact, this place makes the Amityville Horror look like Michael Jackson’s “Neverland Ranch”. One of our team was actually possessed by Satan, morphed into a three-legged archdemon and then ate another member of the team. So if you’re asking me if this place is haunted then you need only look to my urine and feces stained underwear for your answer.”

Not only is the concept of the show cool, but the folks who make up T.A.P.S. are cool as well. Grant and Jason are just 2 dudes who clean out your stopped up septic tank during the day and then chase poltergiests at night. Steve, the tech guy is a guy you’d just like to go drink with…maybe raid a cemetary in the middle of the night armed with only a camcorder and a bottle of gin. Brian…well, sometimes I want to slap the shit out of Brian. But the dudes very smart and very good at what he does. Add in the occasional hot goth wiccan chick and it all adds up to one very happy Cinlach.

Now, I know what you’re all asking yourselves. Cinlach doesn’t really believe all this shit does he?

Yes…I do, in fact believe all this shit.

When my wife and I were married, we stayed at a 125 year old Bed & Breakfast Inn located in the heart of the old spanish quarter in St. Augustine, FL. Because we were married and honeymooning in December during the off-season, we had the entire Inn to ourselves. There were no other people there. The lady who ran the Inn didn’t even live there. She had a house next door so she’d head out every night and we’d be alone in the Inn. So you can imagine my surprise when I awoke about 3am one night to the sounds of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I heard them walk around upstairs for a bit, then they headed back down the steps. I’m talking heavy footsteps mind you…not something the 115lb British lady who owned the Inn was capable of causing.

My mind being all foggy from sleep, I thought to myself that it had to be one of the other folks staying in the Inn coming to bed. When I revisited the scenario the next morning I realized that there wasn’t anyone else there but us. So who the fuck was walking up and down the stairs all night long?? Anyone?? Bueller??

I’ve had more then one strange experience like that and nothing will ever convince me it was anything but genuine. So yeah, I do in all truth believe this shit.

Am I saying that every “haunted” house in the world is real and genuine? Nope…but a percentage of them deny all explanation. If you eliminate every possible and logical explanation then what are you left with?

So there you have it…I’m addicted to Ghost Hunters. It cool as hell and I watch it every Wednesday night on SciFi, up until Lost comes on that is. I loves me some Lost. MMMMM…Evangeline Lilly…so yummy.

You oughta check it out for yourself…it’s not what you think, you might even like it.

Now if I could only get a UFO Hunters TV show…I’d be fucking set.

My favorite “Busch/Biffle” alliterations…

Busch, Biffle’s bitches battle over bad bump.


Bitter battle between Biffle, Busch burns bridges…

Busch, Biffle bumper battle breeds brazen battle between beauties…

Bumper battle between Busch, Biffle brews bad blood between beauties…

I wish I could take credit for all these, but the cause was helped greatly by the legendary Vince Harris.

Do it for the kids!

I’ve discovered the reason why the obesity statistics are through the roof in this country.

Are you ready for the answer?

Very well, it’s kids. That’s right…kids are responsible for the growning mid-section of the American population.

I saw a blurb on a newsletter that said :

Do it for the kids!
We’re having a chocolate candy sale in order to raise funds for new playground equipment. All proceeds will directly benefit (name withheld due to my good sense)’s efforts to renovate our playground area. So help us and more importantly, help the kids! Remember, the more you eat the more it helps!

So there you have it folks. Concrete proof that the youth of America are completely to blame for the rash of overweight American adults.

I think it’s time we all stood together and told the kids “No” for once.

If they want a new playground, let them get jobs like the rest of us and stop preying on our easily swayed stomachs and culinary desires for the things they want.

They’re parasites I tell you…and if we don’t stop them, who will?

Now…who’s with me?

Cinlach reviews Queensryche’s Operation : Mindcrime II

Addendum…posted 7/20/06
To the Queensryche Fan Club…

I see you guys are leaving comments and apparantly diggin’ what I have to say about the new album…so thanks for that!

Also, I noticed that I’m getting quite a lot of hits from the official bulletin board, but when I try to check the actual thread to see what you guys are saying, or more correctly what’s driven you over to my insignifigant corner of cyberspace, I get a pop-up window requesting my fanclub sign in information.

Well since I’m not a fan club member that kinda leaves me in a bit of an awkward situation.

Can one of you folks help a brother out? I’d love to see what comments are being left there…as of now I’m totally in the dark.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Now, on to the review…

Widely known as “the thinking man’s rock band”, Queensryche has attempted to do the impossible…following up their most successful and ambitious project with a sequel that doesn’t suck the lint out of dead man’s navel.

I bought the new Queensryche album, Operation : Mindcrime II on the day of it’s release, and while I admit to expecting it to completely fucking suck, it’s actually pretty goddamn good.

Let’s be honest. It’s not the first album, but it’s not the weakest album Q2k either. I loved the original Operation : Mindcrime and literally wore a cassette tape of it out before finally upgrading to a CD copy. I’ve been fortunate enough to see Queensryche live on three occasions and caught the full performance of Operation : Mindcrime while they were touring in support of Empire.

So yeah, I’m a fan.

For those of you unfamiliar with Queensryche, or more probably Operation : Mindcrime, the album is a concept album. Each song forms a part of one cohesive story and it’s widely considered one of the best of the 90’s. I’ve heard some even compare it with Tommy by The Who. Considering I’m not a Who fan by any stretch of the imagination I don’t exactly think of that as high praise.

So to all you youngsters out there, Green Day’s American Idiot wasn’t the first album to tell a story. Broaden your horizons a little for christ’s sake…life isn’t all about MySpace.com and picking up the newest disposable rapper’s debut.

Operation : Mindcrime is about Nikki, a low level street criminal and drug addict who’s drawn into a subversive underground organization led by the enigmatic “Dr. X”. The story follows his rise through the organization, his involvement with “Operation : Mindcrime” and his eventual realization that Dr. X is not the sort of leader he wishes to follow. The story opens with Nikki in a mental institution, thinking back on his life and remarking, “I remember now…”

Operation : Mindcrime II is set 18 years later. Nikki is finally released from confinment and wants revenge on the man who brainwashed him and left him to rot in prison for 18 years. Nikki is coming for Dr. X…and God help anyone who gets in his way.

The album, while good is a little disjointed in spots. This is mainly due to the production values. The first couple of songs have a different sound then the rest of the album. The drums sound electronic and the overall audio is thin, almost flimsy.

This is most notably present on the opening track “Freheit Overture” and the fourth track “One Foot In Hell”.

This is probably due to the fact that Queensryche are stretching musically in ways they haven’t in quite a long time. This is the heaviest album they’re released in close to a decade. But they finally manage to find their “snarl” again and the album really picks up by the sixth track, “The Hands”.

Nikki does indeed confront Dr. X with a special vocal appearance by Ronnie James Dio as the voice of Dr. X. The vocal collaberation between Queensryche vocalist Geoff Tate and Dio is astounding.

The band themselves are as tight as ever but the music is a little more restrained then the original. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Not only has Queensryche grown musically and changed, but it’s nice to see how Nikki has changed as well. He’s not the young man he once was and the music reflects a more comtemplative mood.

While original member Chris DeGarmo is not longer with the band, they’ve done a good job capturing the sound and texture of the original while showcasing the differences between the old and new. New guitarist Mike Stone sounds incredible and holds his own quite well.

For me, the standout tracks are : I’m American, Hostage, The Hands, Re-Arrange You, Murderer?, A Junkies Blues and Fear City Slide.

I won’t ruin the whole story in case you’re interested in hearing it for yourself. I will say that the resolution is a bit vague. The questions surrounding some of the major plot points were supposed to be answered in Mindcrime II but I’ve yet to find them.

I would’ve liked a straightforward answer to some questions but the original album’s non-commital tone on things has been part of what’s made the record stand the test of time. Everyone has a different theory about the ending and what exactly happened to drive Nikki over the edge.

So my advice to you is this…if you like good, intelligently written and expertly played rock and roll then this album is for you.

If you’re looking for The Pussycat Dolls or the newest leaked track from KFed, then do us all a favor and stay the hell away from Queensryche.

Oh, and kill yourself…that’d help too.

4/09/06, Samsung/RadioShack 500 at Texas Motor Speedway

So Texas is over and Kasey Kahne has walked away with those big bronze boots. It’s nice to see Kahne finally start to become what everyone expected from him. If anyone doubts whether the Rookie jinx is alive and well all they’d need to do is look at Kasey Kahne’s 2005 season and the absolutely terrible beginning to Carl Edwards ‘06 campaign.

So here are some observation…hopefully in order.

“W” gives the command to start the engines…I’m sure glad he made time out of his busy schedule to make an appearance at a NASCAR event. Ok, we all fucking get it…you’re from Texas, the race is in Texas, Terry Labonte is from Texas and Hall of Fame Racing was formed by 2 Dallas Cowboys quaterbacks…we all get it. Just give the command already. We’re all curious if you can actually pull a command of any kind off. I, for one, am glad he found time in his busy schedule of mismanaging the war in Iraq and leaking sensitive information to the press. It shows he really cares…about face time in front of his target audience.

Kasey Kahne takes the green flag, only to be promptly overtaken by the man, the myth, the legend…Mark Martin.

The early laps see Kahne fade while guys like Greg Biffle and Tony Stewart rise to the front of the field. It looks as though Biffle will finally snap his string of incredible bad luck this season.

Jamie McMurray continues to be absolutely average in a car and team that should be a championship contender. Jamie needs to step it up or he’s not going to have a long career in that seat. Of course, I say that knowing full well that Wally Dallenbach, Ted Musgrave, Kevin Lepage and Chad Little all lasted a hell of a lot longer at Roush then anyone would’ve anticipated. So in retrospect, maybe he’s safe for awhile.

Kurt Busch’s crew continue to make me happy by screwing up a pit stop and getting him a lap down…thank you Jesus.

JJ Yeley…he’s qualifying good, he running tolerably well and he actually led under green by passing the leader on the race track. Am I the only person on the planet who’s fucking amazed by this? Have you seen the stupid crap homeboy has done in the Busch Series? Miracles do happen…apparently JJ Yeley isn’t as big a fuck up as I once thought.

Kurt Busch continues to make friends and influence people. This week he’s decided to show Greg Biffle how neatly the nose of his Dodge Charger will fit under the bumper of a Ford Fusion at 190MPH. Greg’s not happy with Busch’s new trick…Biffle’s fianceé is more then unhappy and we nearly have the first televised NASCAR catfight between Biff’s girl and Busch’s owner…I mean wife.

By the way, Kurt has now completely ass-fucked his car and it looks more like a 1981 Pontiac then a 2006 Dodge Charger…thanks again Jesus!

Denny Hamlin continues to impress. He ran strong all day and everyone in the field knew he was there. This kid is going to win races this year…very impressive.

Speaking of rookies…Truex, Sorenson and Yeley seem to be the cream of the rookie field this year. I’m still not sold on Clint Bowyer and I’m still convinced David Stremme came up WAY too quick.

Kurt Busch gets black flagged for smoke coming from his #2 Dodge. I find that statement ironic considering Kurt’s handling of that car really has made it look like #2…that’s “#2″, you know…shit. Busch comments on the radio that he thinks Biffle lost a cylinder and that’s why he hit him. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact that you were a lap down because of your pit crew and you didn’t appreciate the slide-job Biffle put on you coming out of two. So yeah, I totally buy the “Biffle was down a cylinder” theory.

Carl Edwards and Matt Kenseth (who had to overcome an engine change and subsequent end of the field start) are marching to the front. Carl is running the high line and is faster then the leader. Will his luck change?

Robby Gordon…the story of the year as far as I’m concerned…works himself into position to get his lap back via the lucky dog rule. He proceeds to drive through the field into the top 10 before bitten by a late caution.

Ryan Newman comments on Sterling Marlin’s toupee and the effect it had on Ryan’s #12 Alltel Dodge. Hey, maybe Sterling does wear a “piece” but at least he’s got a fucking personality Ryan. You should look into getting one sometime.

Petty Enterprises (or should I say Bobby Labonte) continues to show growing strength. Labonte runs all day just out of the top 10 in last years Dodge Intrepid. How’d Kyle Petty do? He blowed up real good.

Oops! Carl Edwards just shortened his car up about 3 feet…after being told “take it easy, we need a good finish, be patient”. Nice one Carl.

Scott Riggs? He’s had a couple of good runs this year. He’ll need them in order to make up for missing Daytona.

Stewart leads with Kasey Kahne and Matt Kenseth close behind.

JJ Yeley does what I expected him to…crash because of his own stupidity. I hope those body shop guys on the #18 stay healthy. They’re going to be working hard this year. Scratch my earlier comment about Yeley possibly not sucking as bad as I thought.

Robby Gordon comes in to make his final pit stop and gets trapped almost a lap down by the caution. The guy cannot catch a fucking break.

RCR continues to run strong throughout the day. Kevin Harvick is a threat to win and Jeff Burton runs solidly in the top 15. Anyone else see shades of Petty Enterprises in RCR Racing? Nice pit strategy by Clint Bowyers crew gets him a shot at a good finish.

After a late caution, Kasey Kahne pulls out a stick and proceeds to beat the piss out of the field. His lead was huge and the last interval I saw was around 4 seconds in 7 laps. That’s hauling the mail.

Bowyer crashes on the last lap after tangling with “The Shrub”, a.k.a. Kyle Busch.

Kasey Kahne pulls into victory lane for the second time in 2006.

All in all the race was enjoyable. Texas has matured into a nice multi-groove racetrack and it sure was refreshing to not have the excessive tire wear problems we’ve had this year.

Next up…The Subway Fresh 500 from Phoenix International Raceway.

Predictions & Notes for Phoenix:

• Kyle Busch will be strong.

• Dale Jr. and Jeff Gordon had better turn their flat track program around or they’ll miss the chase again this year too.

• Tony Stewart is the man to beat.

The answer to the question no one’s asking…

“Where the fuck is Cinlach?”

Why, I’m right here. In point of fact, I’ve been here the whole time. Duh.

Now what you should have asked is “Why is Cinlach so fucking quiet?”.

That’s a much more appropriate question don’t ya think?

Well truthfully, I simply haven’t been inspired to post anything…so what’s the point of coming here and just yammering if I’ve got nothing to say? It’s almost like literary masterbation…and I’m not going to literally masterbate in front of the whole world. I’m not Pee Wee Herman. I mean, I don’t have a Pee Wee Herman…goddamn it, nevermind.

Back on topic…my wife is trying to convince me that writing is something I need to explore more and I did get a nice compliment from a friend of mine a few weeks ago about something I had “written”, although in no way shape or form do I consider myself even remotely close to a “writer”.

I don’t know, I guess I just don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish here…if anything.

The irony in me having a blog at all is that I’m usually not a very open person and yet here I am…sharing with people. Jesus christ, it gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

So I don’t know what’s going to happen here.

I’ve toyed around with the idea of doing a “writing prompt” thing similiar to what my wife does…but I don’t know if I’m sold on it or not.

The beauty of talking this out here is that I know for a certainty that no one is reading it. Trust me, I’ve seen my blog stats recently and they’re not what anyone would consider “impressive”.

So i guess I’ll keep plugging along, I will try to post more often though…not as though anyone is waiting with baited breath for my next post.

So…I guess I’ll see you later. Hopefully more “sooner” and less “later”.

Where the fuck are the race reviews??

OK, so I suck.

I know this and I’m ok with it.

I readily admit this isn’t much of a racing review considering that I haven’t posted anything since December.

But I intend to make that up.