Just some funny shit…

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED I SINCERELY SUGGEST THAT YOU NOT CONTINUE…DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YA
So a co-worker and I were laughing about the seemingly endless parade of “what the fuck were they thinking” names that come across our desks when we started applying these names to porno titles.

In the last week I’ve had the humorous pleasure of seeing the following names…these are REAL names by the way. If you happen to read your name on this blog then seriously, I hate it for ya but it’s your name. I didn’t give it to ya.

So here’s the name list:
Kevin Dickman
Deanna Fuksman
Candy Beavers

So in the course of attaching these unfortunate fuckers to made up porno titles I started sharing actual titles I’d seen that had been based on mainstream movies. After a little digging I stumbled upon Funny Porno Titles and thought I’d share a few of my favorites. If you find this following list the least bit funny then I wholeheartedly suggest you check that site. There’s no graphic pictures or anything like that, but you will find over 300 hilarious actual porn titles.

Here’s my favorites list, in alphabetical order:

12 Horny Men
101 Fornications
American Booty
Assaconda
Ben-In-Her
Beverly Hills Copulator
Big Trouble In Little Vagina
Black Cock Down
The Bone Ranger
The Boobs Brothers
Breast Side Story
Caddysnatch
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Close Encounters of the Nude Kind
Creamer vs. Creamer
Cum And Cummer
Die Hard-on
E.T. the Extra Testicle
Edward Penishands
Ferris Bueller’s Jerk Off
Field Of Wet Dreams
The Flintbones
For Your Thighs Only
Free My Willy
Gangbangs Of New York
Glad-He-Ate-Her
Good Will Humping
Great Sexpectations
The Hairy Bitch Project
Harry Pooper and the Sorcerer’s Bone
Honey, I Shrunk Your Clit
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
Indiana Bones and the Temple of Boom Boom
Inspect Her Gadget
Intercourse With The Vampire
The Joy Suck Club
Jurassic Pork
Kitty Lickers
Lawrence of A Labia
The Loin King
Look Who’s Sucking
Lord Of The Cock Rings
Mr. Hollund’s Phallus
The Mighty Fucks
Much Ado About Fucking
My Big Fat Greek Woody
My Big Lebowski
Natural Born Jigglers
On Golden Blonde
Pocahotass
Poonies
The Porn Identity
Porn on the 4th of July
Pornocchio
Position: Impossible
Presumed Impotent
Pump Friction
Raiders Of The Lost Ass
Rambone
Riding Miss Daisy
Riding on Boys in Cars
Risky Jizzness
Robocock
Romancing The Bone
Saturday Night Beaver
Saving Ryan’s Privates
Schindler’s Fist
Sex Toy Story
The Sexorcist
Silence of the Loins
Sleeping Booty
The Sperminator
Sperms of Endearment
Splendor in the Ass
Star Trek 2 - The Wrath of Cum
Star Trek 3 - The Search for Sperm
Star Trek 4 - The Voyeurs Home
Sex Trek: The Next Penetration
Star Whores
Star Whores - The Empire Stikes From The Back
There’s Something In and Out of Mary
The Three Fuckateers
Tits A Wonderful Life
Throbbin’ Wood: Prince of Whores
Waiting to XXX Hale
When Hairy Fucked Sally
White Men Can’t Hump
The Whole Nine Inches
Wild Wild Breasts
Willie Wanker Up the Chocolate Factory
Who’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Womb Raider
XXX-Men
Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy
You’ve Got Male

I wanna know what you think dear readers!Did I miss one that absolutely MUST be on the list? Leave a comment about it and together we’ll right all the worlds wrongs…one funny porno title at a time.

Soooo…

I guess it’ll come as no surprise to you all (who the fuck am I kidding…nobody’s gonna read this unless I tell them I’ve updated) that I’m not posting with the regularity I once did.

Is there a particular reason for this, am I disillusioned with blogging?

No, not really.

I just didn’t have anything especially interesting to say.

Sometimes you have to know when to talk and when not to. Sure I could’ve been rambling all Seinfeld-esque (”What the heck is up with the NHL?”) but is that really me saying something or am I just running my mouth?

I suppose I should do a little recap of my life of late. So, let’s see…I’m still working at the same place for different people. I’m sure in another 12 to 14 months the management structure will change again like it has for the last 10 years. So when that happens I’ll mention it again. But it’s more like “second verse, same as the first”.

Speaking of 10 years employment, I crossed the decade mark a couple of days ago. I’ve already been approached by the company HR lady about what anniversary gift I wanted and what kind of cake I was partial to so I assume that’ll be going down sooner instead of later. Yay…go me. Thanks for giving me back .0001% of what I’ve made you over the last 10 years. I guess it really is the thought that counts.

I’ve been unloading a TON of stupid crap on eBay and making a decent amount of cash to boot. Between the actual cost of Sappy Chick’s surgery, medicine, doctor bills, missed days of work, and the numerous sick days before we found out what was wrong, we’ve spent entirely too much money. Sure, I could’ve let it ride on a credit card and draw 18 to 22% interest but i figured why should we burden ourselves like that? I’ve been putting up stuff for the last 3 weeks and i’ve generated over $1000. That’s part time job money folks, and there’s no commute involved. Boo yow.

And I get all this crap outta my fucking house to boot. Sometimes it’s nice to come home and be surrounded by your stuff. You feel like you’re safe in your little nest and that everything’s gonna be fine. Othertimes it’s like this crap is tied around my fucking neck like a weight. I can’t explain it…maybe it’s a side effect of coming off my zoloft.

That’s another relatively new development, well new to you anyway. I’ve been off my little chemical crutch for a few months now and so far so good.

My mom is finally going through with the divorce from my “dad”. Some of you will notice those quotation marks. They’re not an accident. I’ve had enough of his crazy, self absorbed, malicious, antagonistic, and generally negative ass. As he would say I’ve “fired him”. He used to say that about my mother…that she had “fired him”. This was, of course, after he had decided purely on his own that he wasn’t going to go visit her anymore because she asked if he could send her an Eagles cassette tape. No shit. He didn’t see her for the last 7 years she was incarcerated…because she asked him to mail her an Eagles tape…and she “fired him”…what a rancid asshole. The whole thing sounds like a giant crock of shit doesn’t it? You know why…cause it IS A GIANT CROCK OF SHIT. Sometimes I wonder if he’s really my father, then I look in the mirror and feel my heart break. There’s no denying my parentage…goddamnit.

Whatever man…my philosophy now is I just wanna be happy. If you don’t make me happy or try to bring your shit onto me then go fuck yourself.

There’s too many unknown days left for me on this little blue green orb and I’ll not have some cocksucker busting up my krush groove. So here’s the deal society, get the fuck off my back…I’m tired of carrying your bullshit everywhere I go.

Demi and Ashton can get married…I don’t give a fuck.

Ashlee Simpson can make a triumphant return to SNL…I don’t give a fuck.

Jude Law and Sienna Miller can be on again/off again…I don’t give a fuck.

blah, blah, blah can yada, yada, yada…I don’t give a fuck.

I don’t give a fuck. Seriously, I just don’t give a fuck.

Does that make me a “bad American”? Is it my American duty to sit and watch Entertainment Tonight, Fear Factor, and ER? Then tough…I don’t give a fuck.

I do what makes me happy. What makes my happy is staying home and doing things for the people I care for. The “people I care for” list may be short but that’s fine by me. Those people are the people who’ve taken care of me and if I don’t have their back then what the hell kind of man am I?

So I guess that’s the thought I’ll leave you with. Guess what…if you don’t like it then that’s fine.

I don’t give a fuck.