Two posts in one week…your asses better hold on!

I saw this on netscape a few days ago and it made me giggle like a drunken schoolgirl.

Anyone who truly knows me knows about my unadulterated love of the word “fuck”…or any expletive in general. I can’t get enough off them.

Just remember kids, everything’s funnier with fuck.

One Town’s Very Obscene Name
When you think of Austria, no doubt you think of such cities and towns as Vienna, Innsbruck and Salzburg. But there is another one. And because of its name, tourists steal the signs.

The name? We can’t print it here. (But I can motherfuckers…) It’s Fucking.

Agence France Presse and Britain’s Sunday Telegraph report that the residents of Fucking (pronounced Fooking) are quite perturbed with British tourists who think the name of the town is so hilarious they want to take a piece of it home with them. So they swipe the signs. There are only 32 homes in this charming Austrian village with breathtaking views of lakes and forests and none of its residents understand why their signs are so popular. In fact, sign stealing is the only crime in Fucking.

The good people of Fucking have wised up. They have embedded their signs in concrete. Try stealing one now! We quote. Directly. Exactly. This is what police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger told the Sunday Telegraph: “We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed. It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile.”

Interestingly, it is only the British who seem to have such a fascination with the name of this little town. A local guide told the Telegraph that the Germans want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg, while the Americans only care about the area around which “The Sound of Music” was filmed. The Japanese just want to see Hitler’s birthplace in Braunau. The British are different. A woman who runs a guest house told the paper, “Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no Fucking postcards.”

These Austrians may be on to something about the Brits. The BBC News reports that a Northamptonshire secondary school in Great Britain has had such a problem with its students swearing that they have instituted a five-word swearing limit in each class. When a student swears, the teacher writes a mark on the board. After five marks, no one is allowed to swear for the duration of the class. If the rule is broken? They get a severe talking-to by the teacher. We’re thinking there won’t be any field trips to Fucking, Austria.

See now, that’s just funny.

I had a lady I used to work with named Jodi was swore to me there was a Chinese restaurant in Florida called the “The Foo-King Diner”. I sat and came up with funny shit with that name for nearly an hour…

“Do you guys sell Foo-King t-shirts?”
“That’s the best Foo-King meal I’ve ever had!”
“Hey! Our waiter got our Foo-King order wrong…what kind of Foo-King place are they running here?”
“No way…it’s your turn to get the Foo-King check…you cheap bastard.”

Good times, good times.

So in summation I think I can sleep a little easier at night knowing there’s a place called Fucking.

The Fucking citizens have quite a little Xanadu on their hands…those lucky Fucking people.

I only wish I was lucky enough to live in a fucking village like Fucking Austria.

Hello bitches!!

So i got one of those “phishing” e-mail today…you know the ones, where your eBay/Paypal/Bank Account has been compromised and you have to go to a totally unsecured website and input your name, address, social security number, credit card numbers, PIN for your credit card, birthday, favorite color, preferred sexual position and basically sign your soul over to Satan for ever and ever, amen.

So here’s the text of the e-mail along with some of my unique comments…

You have received this email because we have strong reasons to believe that your eBay account had been recently compromised.In order to prevent any fraudulent activity from occuring we are requied to ope an investigation into this matter.

OK, so besides the fact that the first sentence sounds someone with only a passing knowledge of the English fucking language, like a Yugoslavian refugee or Paris Hilton wrote it, everything seems to be on the up and up. Nevermind the fact that there’s no space between the end of one sentence and the beginning of the next and these assclowns have somehow misspelled “required” and “open” as well…I mean, eBay is a multi-million dollar company and they simply don’t have the time to proofread every single little e-mail they send out…especially when alerting people to potential account problems. That’d be like a major publishing company sending marketing materials and proposals through their in house proofing department…that’s all a bunch of new age tomfoolery.

To speed up this proces, you are required to complete your eBay account by following the link belowhttps://www.ifyousigninherewewillstealyouridentityyoudumbmotherfucker.com
(To complete the verification procces you must field all the requied fields)

So they’ve misspelled “process” not once but twice and I can only assume they mean they want me to FILL all the required fields on the website they’re asking me to go to. Also do I actually need to “complete” my eBay account? If my account was incomplete then I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone using it. It would be…incomplete. Damn eBay sure is slipping…but so far there’s no reason that a semi-intelligent person’s bullshit detector should be ringing like a firebell in Detroit on fucking Devil’s Night is there? I mean everything looks legitimate to me.

Please Note:
If your account informations are not updated within the next 72 hours,then we will assume this account was compromised and will be suspended.We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud.

Uh, my account “informations”? How many informative doohickeys are attached to this stinking account anyway? Also, the geniuses have another space missing in the middle of a sentence. “Account” is mispelled and apparantly Paris Hilton/the Yugoslavian refugee have continued with their fine grammar work well into this part of the message. But my personal favorite is this little gem, “We apologize but the purpose of this verification is to ensure that your eBay accoun has not been fraudulently used and to combat fraud.” So what they’re saying is that they want to make sure they stop fraudulent fraud. Well god bless them. Why is it that these motherfuckers can spell “fraudulently” but they can’t spell “process”, “open”, “required” or any of the other words they butchered in this silly little missive?

We appreciate your support and understanding we work together to keep eBay a safe place to trade.Thank you for your attention on this serious matter.We apologize for any delay on resolving this situation.

Goddamn. Who in their right fucking mind would ever believe this was sent by anyone other then some half educated dipshit?You know what…people deserve to have their identity stolen. If you are so damn stupid that you actually read that e-mail and believe it actually came from someone other then Bob the Cyber Criminal then you deserve to get ripped off.

I find myself with very little sympathy for the dumbasses in this world who blindly do whatever someone tells them.

Do us all a favor spunky and fucking THINK for a change. Your brain is not simply there to absorb commercial jingles, republican rhetoric and antiquated religious nonsense.

You bunch of fucking sheep.