I had a great post.
It was witty, well written and emotionally stirring.
But alas, you can’t read it.
My wife has wisely suggested that it wouldn’t be an extremely smart thing to put this out there for the world to read. She’s right of course. I had to strongly suggest to her not to post something on her page so I guess turnabout is fair play.
Goddamn I hate having to bow to people with supposed “authority” over me.
Move along…there’s nothing to see here.
I am officially the happiest little boy on the face of the planet!
The internet, after nearly 2 weeks of being a miserable assmucher, has finally decided to stop ruining my life!
It works! It really works!
I was starting to thing there was nothing left to do but sit down and talk to Sappy Chick…just kidding honey.
So, what’s new?
Well Dad still has no power and I still think it’s the greatest thing in the history of mankind…better buy some more candles motherfucker!
My aunt in Atlanta has just been told by her doctor that she’s got a clean bill of health and the cancer seems to be in complete remission. That’s awesome…I worry though because the type she had is notorious for showing up in the other breast. Her dickless doctor told her that she couldn’t have both breasts removed like she wanted. He told her that if she pushed on it and insisted that he do it that he would classify it as “cosmetic” surgery and her insurance wouldn’t cover it. He better get down on his knees every night and pray to whatever invisible man who lives in the sky he believes in that it doesn’t show up in her other breast. That asshole doesn’t want me and my cousins showing up at his office…he’ll be the one getting cosmetic surgery.
So anyway, the internet is back up and I’ve got to go enjoy it…it’s been soooo long.
Come to me my sweet internet…
Yesterday, I received the following update on my Father and his sudden (and totally fucking hilarious) lack of electricity.
My Grandmother (who lives next door to Dad) sent Mom this e-mail yesterday :
I saw the contract truck for Duke Power in the yard on Monday night about 8:45 PM, but I did not see him go down there.
We saw the weirdos down there yesterday afternoon, they looked like they were emptying out the refrigerator. Guess where they were throwing it…over the deck railing and into the front yard..surprise, surprise. He looked like he was mad (which is nothing new). She just stood around like she was in a daze (that’s nothing new either).
Love you,
Grandma
Now, about the “over the deck railing and into the front yard” thing. When they have something they want to throw away, like leftovers or old food, they step out the sliding glass door and chuck it over the deck railing and into the fucking front yard.
That’s right…that’s classy to a degree that I’m not sure I can comprehend.
I swear to God…my life is like a redneck version of Days of Our Lives.
So now we play the waiting game and see what his reaction will be. His normal M.O. is to wait a few days, sometime a whole week, then go out drinking. Once he gets some “liquid courage” in him, he feels like a big enough man to push around women, children and senior citizens. He’s a real manly man for sure.
Now, what he does to his girlfriend isn’t my concern. That may sound heartless and cold, but no one’s making that bitch stay. She’s nothing to me and I’ll not go out of my way to help anyone who’s obviously mentally infirmed. Let her family watch out for her dumb ass because she’s not my problem.
But if he comes after my grandparents or brings his drunk ass over to my house, then he and I will have serious issues. I’m not 14 anymore and I will break his fucking jaw. My family will never be threatened by him again. Hopefully he’s intelligent enough to not come over to my home and threaten Sappy Chick or myself.
If he does then he will deeply regret that decision for the rest of his incredibly short and pain filled life.
Well today Duke Power finally shut off the electricity to Dad’s house. I wish I could see the look on his face when he comes home, turns on that switch and nothing happens. I would videotape it and watch it everyday and laugh my ass off. The only thing that would make it better would be for him to be out of town. Then he could come back and find not only the power was off but everything in his freezer was now rancid. I can almost smell the decay when he opens the door and walks in.
See, the Power Bill has been in my mothers name for the past 13 years. Mom and Dad have been separated for that length of time and Dad had decided that since the bill was in her name, he was no longer going to pay it. He’d let it build up for months before paying it, or borrow money from Mom to pay it. At one point it was up around $1000 and she finally paid it online because it was severely affecting her credit.
My mother finally got sick of his manipulative psycho bullshit and told him that she was filing for divorce and she was going to try to get the house.
He’s been toying with her for 3 years with selling her the house, then giving it to her, then selling it. Basically holding the dream of being able to live in her own house again after so long over her head just so he could snatch it away when she reached for it. Finally he went so far as to move everything out, giving her the keys and setting up a payment schedule.
Well then he backed out and moved back in…but not before Mom has spent 4 weekends cleaning it. Have you ever seen those houses where people live with 40 dogs and the police finally have to come in because the house is basically fit to be condemned? Well that should give you an idea of how bad this place was. It wasn’t that bad but it was pretty fucking filthy. One year he left the Christmas decorations up all year long. I mean, he’s just a lazy, manipulative fucker.
So anyway, he’d been stringing Mom along and has gone back to living in the house. He’s not paying the water bill, the power bill or the property taxes on the house. Mom has paid everything for the last 3 years. But no more…welcome to real life asshole.
She got sick of his shit and told him he needed to get that power bill into his name since he obviously had no intention of letting her live in her own house. She would need to be able to get the power turned on at her new place which meant no more free ride for Daddy dearest.
Two months pass…nothing happens. The power bill is still in her name and he’s still not paying it.
So Friday she put a disconnect order in. On the following Monday there will be no power at Dad’s house. So there he is…sitting in the dark in his underwear, drinking bear, verbally and physically abusing his new “fiancee”, ranting and raving about how misunderstood and mistreated he is and how generally shitty the big bad world has been to little old him.
Did I mention he’s got no power? I think that’s the most awesome part of the story.
The free ride is over dude.
My brothers are grown…they want nothing to do with you.
I’m tired of your shit and I’m tired of watching you continually fuck with the ones I love…I’m done with you.
You drove Mom nearly insane, to the point she made a decision that haunts her to this day…she’s finished with you.
My grandparents are tired of being afraid of you, the bullying and intimidation is over…they’re free of you.
While you sit in your darkened house, stop and consider this…you are alone. You’ve pushed away and alienated everyone who was ever close to you.
Enjoy that deafening silence motherfucker. It couldn’t happen to a more deserving person.
God, I wish I could see his face when he gets home.
So Sappy Chick and I decided we wanted to see Wedding Crashers this weekend. It’s probably one of the funniest flicks I’ve seen in a long time. It’s crude, vulgar, sexual explicit and politically incorrect…I loved every fucking minute.
So after the movie was over, we were making the mandatory trip back to the car when we passed a group of people standing and talking. I happened to see something unexpected.
I glanced at Sappy Chick. She had the same look on her face that I must’ve been wearing.
Cinlach : Uh…did you see anything unusual back there?
Sappy Chick : Yes. Yes I did.
Cinlach : So I wasn’t imagining it?
Sappy Chick : No. No you weren’t.
Cinlach : Why?
Sappy Chick : I honestly don’t know.
Cinlach : I’m literally speechless.
Sappy Chick : I know…me too.
I did some surfing when we got home and found a picture of what we saw so I could share with all of you…steady yourself. There’s literally no reason for something like this to exist.
Are you ready? Then check this out…
That’s right…someone, somewhere in the world decided that a LED belt buckle was not only a good idea, but also a product who’s time had come. A LED lighted, programmable, scrolling fucking belt buckle…
What the fuck is wrong with our society?
You want to make a scrolling electronic statement? Well, far be it from me to stand in your way. I’ll even help you come up with some stuff that will truly express the mystery that is YOU to the world.
So how about something like this :
I’M SO INSECURE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF IN RIDICULOUS WAYS…
Maybe that’s too wordy…let’s try this :
PLEASE NOTICE ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION…
Oh! Waitaminute…I’ve got it…this is perfect!
LOOK, I’M STUPID!!…
No, no…there’s no need to thank me. People like you are what keeps me entertained.
Below is a cover to DC Comics Batman : A Death in the Family…somehow it just seemed to fit.
Aparo, born in 1932, was primarily self-trained as an artist. After
years of working in commercial fashion design in Connecticut, his
first break in the comics field was with a comic strip called “Stern
Wheeler,” written by Ralph Kanna, which was published in 1963 in a
Hartford, Connecticut newspaper for less than a year. In 1966, editor
Dick Giordano at Charlton Comics hired him as a comic book artist,
where his first assignment was a humorous character called “Miss
Bikini Luv” in “Go-Go Comics.” Over the next few years at Charlton,
Aparo drew stories in many genres-Westerns, science fiction, romance,
horror, mystery, and suspense.
Aparo was notable for being one of the relatively few artists in
mainstream comics at that time to serve as penciler, inker, and
letterer for all of his work. These tasks were typically divided
between two or more artists.
In the late 1960s, Aparo moved on to National Publications/DC Comics,
which is where he came to fame in the Comics Community. Originally
starting at DC on the Aquaman title, he then moved on to also work on
the Phantom Stranger and DC’s horror titles.
In 1971, Aparo worked on his first Issue of Brave & The Bold. Issue
98 featured the Phantom Stranger teaming up with Batman. Beginning
with Issue 102 Jim was then the regular artist on the series and
provided pencils & inks on almost every issue from 102 until the end
of the series with Issue 200. Jim’s work on Brave and the Bold was
his favorite work of his time at DC as he truly considered the series
his “baby.” Also during this period Jim did one of the seminal runs
on The Spectre, where his realistic style made the Ghostly character
truly come to life.
After the end of Brave and the Bold, Aparo was CO-creator for Batman
& The Outsiders and also worked on the regular Batman and Detective
Comics Series throughout the 1980s and early 1990s. most notably
doing the Pencils on the “Death in The Family” storyline, which
featured a phone-in vote deciding the fate of Robin II, Jason Todd.
Following a run on the regular Green Arrow Series, Aparo moved into
semiretirement, contributing an occasional special or cover and doing
a few private commissions before he eventually decided to move into
full retirement.
He is survived by his wife Julie, his 3 children, his 4 Grandchildren
and two step-grandchildren.
The Aparo family has asked that in lieu of Flowers or gifts, anyone
wishing to honor Jim’s legacy make a contribution to any worthy
charity, as Jim believed that all charities were worth donating to.
For me, Jim Aparo’s style defined the Dark Knight.
A lot of fans cite Bob Kane (Batman’s creator), Neal Adams or Frank Miller as being the artist who best captured the feeling of Batman.
None of those guys ever drew anything that made me feel what that piece above does.
Goodbye Jim…you will be missed.
Still living the dream here.
Work has been slow the first part of this month…which sucks. Mainly because that means the last part of the month is going to blow chunks. We’ll be working our asses off so we can be nice and stressed out and tired for August. Golly…how did I ever get to be such a lucky little boy.
The wife was home sick yesterday and the amount of understanding her situation received here at work was underwhelming at best. She’s got what her doctor thinks is an ulcer and has been taking Nexium and a prescription antacid for the last couple of months.
So we were both surprised when she had a flare-up Sunday night. She literally stayed up all night crying and hurting. I slept maybe 3 hours, and felt like a dick for doing it as well. So when the morning came we both decided that she wasn’t going to work since she’d been up all night sick.
Well, that decision was met with a mixture of coldness and contempt when I got to work and told our boss.
That’s the kind of thing that really makes you feel good as an employee. It’s a sort of “I don’t give a damn how sick you are” mentality. The kind of people who decide you should put their business ahead of your health.
If they’re sick then they stay home. If you’re sick then you better suck it up and come into work.
That’s not a double standard at all.
Luckily for my wife there’s no way in hell I would ever allow her to be put into that position. She’s sick and that’s that. There’ll be no arguement, there’ll be no discussion on the subject. She’s sick and she’s not coming in.
Of course because she’s been battling this for the last couple of months she’s used all her sick days up so I get the whole “but she’s out of sick days” crap. Why, yes. She is out of sick days. How observant of you to notice.
Let’s go over the concept of the “sick day” for a second. A “sick day” is a day when you can be out sick but still receive payment for that days work. Once you’ve used them all you can still be out sick, but you simply will not be paid for that day. A “sick day” is not a day that you are given in which to be sick. Once you have used all your sick days it does not mean that you are then not allowed to be sick for the remainder of the calendar year.
That’s a pretty important distinction, don’t you think?
I thought so too.
Holy crap!
My Solar Commission from Anthony Castrillo is finished.
I couldn’t have asked for this to have come out any better.
Excuse me whilst I do the happy dance…
The book you are looking at is cool…very, very cool.
I’ve been greatly desiring to own this book for about 4 years. The first time I saw it was at my LCS (thats “Local Comic Store” to you poor uneducated slobs out there). I picked it up off the counter and afraid of what I might see, turned it over to see the price on the back.
I was crushed when I saw $75.00 on the back.
I knew that we could never be together, that beautiful book and I. So i resigned myself to a hollow and meaningless existence without that beautiful, perfect book.
But today, fortune smiled upon me. While the wife and I were strolling through a local bookstore, I saw something that nearly brought tears to my eyes. It was the book that got away.
Fearfully I walked up to it. I had been hurt before and I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have my heart trampled on again.
I glanced at the rack with so many copies of that most treasured tome and saw, to my amazement, a price sticker that said $24.95.
I blinked…surely I had wandered into a dream. A wonderful, intoxicating dream.
I snatched up a copy and rushed to my wife…girlish laughter escaping my lips.
Do you know what my beautiful auburn haired wife said to me?
“Wow! That’s awesome…are you going to buy it?”
Indeed I am, my dear lady. Indeed I am.
I think Aristotle said it best when he said “I rule…go me!”
As I was laying in bed last night attempting to drift off to slumberland, a song started going through my brain.
I tossed, turned, rolled over…nothing seemed to break the cadence of this damn song.
What song was it? It was the school song of the Christian school I attended for 12 years. Yeah, I’m asking myself the same question you are, “How the hell did he start thinking of his old Christian school song?”
I wish I knew, but there was rather funny and unexpected consequence to remembering that old ditty…I remembered the fake lyrics I made up to it. Wow, I was a little hellion.
Here are the original lyrics (I swear to God these are accurate…they’re just that bad)
Midst the wars of sin that gather,
in a world thats pathos cold.
March forth the royal Cavaliers,
with swords we skyward hold.
Spreading truth and wisdom,
the Lord’s school doth proclaim
that faithful to the Blue and Gold we ever will remain.
Yes Washington Avenue, Christian Cavaliers,
to you we ‘ere proclaim,
with the help of God you gave us,
wisdom and honor to praise God’s name.
I’ll give you all a minute to compose yourselves after the involuntary wretching that I’m sure followed reading that horrendous song. Now do you all understand why I’m so screwed up? It’s all finally starting to make sense now isn’t it.
Ok, so here are “my” lyrics to the song…hilarity will ensue.
Midst the whores of sin that gather,
in a world that’s fucking cold.
March forth the goddamn Cavaliers,
with dicks we skyward hold.
Spreading sperm and condoms,
this here school doth proclaim
that faithful to our own damn ass we ever will remain.
Yes Washington Avenue, Asshole Cavaliers,
to you we ‘ere proclaim,
with the fucking lies sold us,
apathy and indifference to praise your name.
I think my version is a much truer representation of the school in general.
I can’t imagine why I wasn’t allowed to sing it during Chapel Services and why I was suspended for writing it…can you?
