Just some random nutty-ness…

some of my favorite REAL names i’ve seen recently:

gordon glasscock
deborah stitt
mike sass
venus tingly
charles deathrage
ebony gunn
stephanie zweiner
richard “dick” puffer

and don’t get me started on the names some people give their children…good god.

what happened to “william” or “mitchell” or “scott” for fucks sake?

why do we as americans feel the need to name our children “octavian”, “tequilla”, “laterine” and “bizovian”?

i mean i can see ethnic names…i’ve got no problem with a vietnamese family naming their son “phan” because it actually has a meaning in vietnamese…but when you just make up shit for no reason (see “nosharian”) or decide that the regular spelling just isn’t good enough (”veroniqua” comes to mind) then someone needs to step in. we might actually need a government agency who basically says “you want to name your child what?!? fuck no…pick again”.

newsflash…a “spectacular” or “flashy” name does NOT immediately signal something special is in store for your little kiddies life. go ahead, keep naming those little “ambrosia”, “brooks” and “trevor” babies…and remember that no matter how bad you want it, your childs future is totally out of your hands. what’s in a name? nothing. want proof? colin powell.

while we’re talking about things that just don’t make sense…there’s nothing like checking the calendar of a assisted living home and seeing the following ACTUAL events listed:
wet t-shirt contest (i mean…ewww)
happy hookers (tee hee!)
mens club trip to hooters (ewww again)
hand stimulation (whose hand?…stimulating what?)
aromatherapy in the organ area (thats just gross…)

or seeing an apartment community having a pool party with guidelines that read:
clothing optional
no clothes allowed
bathing suits not required

i mean, jesus christ…am i the ONLY person who reads shit like this and snickers out loud?

i mean when you have an event at 11am called “movie and popcorn” and then an event at 2pm called “passing corn” what the fuck am i supposed to think?

if i was the family of one of these residents i’d be horrified that grandpa might actually be forced to pass corn exactly at 2pm every saturday afternoon. god damn, don’t these old people have enough problems already?

when i get old i’m locking myself in my room and i’m never coming out…don’t bother trying to get me to come to the “lotion in motion” social. i’m not fucking going. you guys knock yourselves out.

I just slept 14 hours…

i had tickets to the coca cola 600 last night and my mother and i went…jesus christ that was the longest race i’ve ever been to. they had a caution almost every other lap (22 in all), 25% of the 400 laps were run under caution. it was boring as fuck. rusty did lead some laps and got a top 10 finish in his final coke 600 which made me a happy camper.

otherwise it was just a long, long, long night…race lasted over 5 hours. goddamn.

so anyways, since no one’s reading this anyway i guess that’ll be all.

So…first post…guess that makes me a “blog” virgin. Please be gentle.

The first thing you need to know about me is that I don’t get hung up on this serious “grammar” thing when I type. If that’s gonna be a problem then I think it’s best for all involved if you bail now…it’s not going to get any better for you or the other members of the nazi proofer party.

Face it, the English language is totally subject to the people who speak it. It’s always growing and evolving…need proof? How about the addition to or deletion of words everytime they put out a new dictionary.

With that being said as the basis of my argument and using that rationale, I can basically say or type anything I want and if it’s not “grammatically correct” at the time then there’s always the possibility it will be sometime in the future. So what I say might be technically wrong in the present but in 100 years I’ll be hailed as a renaissance man and all the violently obnoxious grammar checkers of the world will be relegated to the “forgotten asshole” catagory.

Yes…I am an asshole.

The sooner you accept this truth as well the smoother this whole thing will go.